ITV
an hour
Let me read you the rules. The FA rules say, joking aside, you cannot obstruct or cause any person to bet on any aspect of a football match or competition. Joke aside, how this could go over to throw-ins.
Sky News
an hour
This morning join us is Michelle Dewberry and Martin. There's not much in the papers today! That's a complete joke. Our lead story has made the front pages of a lot of the newspapers today, this terror suspect, British terror suspect released from Guantanamo Bay, given compensation by the government and then blows himself in Iraq.
The Sun Daily
2 hours
I think a few mates and a few of the fans (did)," Shaw told the newspaper. "I thought I would give them a bit of banter and let's do it. All the subs were on and we were 2-0 down. It was just a bit of banter for them. It is something to make the occasion as well and you can look back and say it was part of it and we got our ticket money back." However, The Gambling Commission, which licenses and regulates gambling in Britain, says it is looking into whether there was any "irregularity in the betting market and establishing whether the operator has met its licence requirement to conduct its business with integrity". "Integrity in sport is not a joke and we have opened an investigation to establish exactly what happened," said enforcement and intelligence director Richard Watson. The bookmaker in question – who sponsored the Sutton shirts for the matchtweeted it had paid out a "five-figure sum" to one punter who had bet on Shaw to eat the pie.
Forbes
7 hours
I travel often enough that when people ask me where I’m based, I sometimes jokeSeat 4F.” I’ve been able to observe a lot of passengers boarding planes. Based on what I’ve seen, how we board airplanes doesnt work very well. And based on what I’ve read, it doesnt make sense either.
Washingtons Blog
8 hours
A nuclear war will last less than 30 minutes. The side that attacks first will suffer the less damage, because it will have knocked out some of the other side’s retaliatory missiles and bombs. The military would score that as a ‘win’ (victory, even if nuclear winter results). The global public would score it as hell (regardless of which side ‘wins’). If Donald Trump were intelligent, then one could assume that he knows this. He’s not, so he doesnt. He plods on, toward mutual nuclear annihilation. Perhaps, like Hillary Clinton, he believes that the U.S. has ‘Nuclear Primacy’ and so will ‘win’. It’s all so stupid. But, even worse, it’s evil. And I’m not talking about Russia or Putin here. The real problem — on this ultimate issue, of avoiding a nuclear winter — is my own country: the United States of America. To call this a ‘democracy’ is not merely a lie; it is a bad joke .
Sky News
8 hours
They are saying he was just having a joke. Do him in for a fine for insider at trading. Cannot have a little bit of joke or human? He was absolutely sacked.
Washington Free Beacon
10 hours
BBC News 24
10 hours
What was essentially a bit of a joke is no longer a laughing matter. Interesting, what about the Champions League, keeping an eye on Falcao, formerly of Chelsea and Manchester United, scored.
BBC News 24
11 hours
Moving on, it started out as a joke, it ended up with Sutton United's back-up goalkeeper Wayne Shaw being forced to resign, if you don't know what I am talking about, take a look at this.
Sky News
12 hours
Last month, a dead man's family had praise the guilty verdict, now they are furious at the sentence. TRANSLATION: I want to say one thing. Getting a year and a half is a joke.
Channel 4
13 hours
TRANSLATION: Getting a year and a half is a joke, this is not a sentence. If one of us killed an animal, they would put us in jail for God knows how long, they are just making fun of us.
Autoblog
13 hours
Mondoweiss
16 hours
An Israeli court on Tuesday sentenced Elor Azaria to 18 months in prison, one-year probation and a demotion of his military rank, a month after the Israeli soldier was found guilty of manslaughter. Azaria shot and killed Abd al-Fattah al-Sharif in March after al-Sharif had already been shot and injured following an alleged attempted stabbing attack in Hebron. Following the court’s sentencing, Azaria’s defense vowed to appeal the ruling, while several high-ranking Israeli politicians called for a pardon in his case. The main evidence in the case was footage caught on camera by Imad Abu Shamsiya , a Palestinian resident of Hebron who had been provided a camera by Human Rights Defenders specifically to document instances such as the shooting and other human rights violations in Hebron. Abu Shamsiya told Mondoweiss he is grateful he was around to film the incident, because without the camera footage he feels certain Azaria would never have been taken to court, let alone serve time in prison.
TIME - News
16 hours
Nick Kroll and John Mulaney turned their routine as Gil Faizon and George St. Geegland sublimely absurd New York City bachelorsinto the Broadway hit Oh, Hello . But now that the curtain has closed on the longest-running tuna joke in history, the comedians are teaming up again to host the Independent Spirit Awards this Saturday. Rapid-fire jokes? Theyll do those, but they dodge TIMEs question about whether their Oh, Hello alter egos will shuffle onto the stage. Were trying to wrangle them from spring break, Mulaney explains. Theres a booty shaking contest in Cancun theyre judging, and its very crowded, Kroll adds. This is the too-good-to-be-improvised Kroll-Mulaney dynamic in action. An Oh, Hello movie? A Lion King- themed tunatini endorsement deal? Theyre open to all endeavors, preferably the most fun and the dumbest, Mulaney jokes.
TIME - Top Stories
16 hours
Nick Kroll and John Mulaney turned their routine as Gil Faizon and George St. Geegland sublimely absurd New York City bachelorsinto the Broadway hit Oh, Hello . But now that the curtain has closed on the longest-running tuna joke in history, the comedians are teaming up again to host the Independent Spirit Awards this Saturday. Rapid-fire jokes? Theyll do those, but they dodge TIMEs question about whether their Oh, Hello alter egos will shuffle onto the stage. Were trying to wrangle them from spring break, Mulaney explains. Theres a booty shaking contest in Cancun theyre judging, and its very crowded, Kroll adds. This is the too-good-to-be-improvised Kroll-Mulaney dynamic in action. An Oh, Hello movie? A Lion King- themed tunatini endorsement deal? Theyre open to all endeavors, preferably the most fun and the dumbest, Mulaney jokes.
Sky News
16 hours
.. Sorry, what was that? I said you got the easiest draw you have ever had in your lives! It was a joke. Away with you, we won! Good to see you. Let's have a look at the weather.
Sky News
17 hours
They are now furious at the sentence. TRANSLATION: I want to say one thing, getting a year-and-a-half is a joke. This is not a sentence. If one of us killed an animal, they would have put him in jail for God knows how long.
TIME - Top Stories
17 hours
Sky News
18 hours
Here is his father. Getting a year and a half is a joke, this is not a sentence. If one of us killed an animal they would have put him in jail for God knows how long. They are only making fun of us. This is what has been the reaction of the government? The Israeli public generally speaking behind the soldier.
BBC News 24
18 hours
I think that division will continue. It should be said we have had reaction from the parents of the attacker, the Palestinian victim, who said the verdict was, in their words, a joke, and that the courts were laughing in their faces because of what they saw as a very light sentence. A former House of Lords Speaker has claimed that many peers contribute "absolutely nothing" to Parliament - despite claiming their £300 daily allowance.
BBC News 24
21 hours
It is a very live wire. We've had angry reaction also banned the parents of the Palestinian victim who said that the verdict was, in their words, a joke and that the authorities and courts were laughing in their faces because of what they saw as a very light sentence.
Sky News
a day
Our real life is in this, we are at stake. It is just a Matt Fish to save that we do not agree with him. He needs to be impeached. I think that Donald Trump is a joke. He doesn't even have policies. He can barely speak properly. There were protests this evening, as MPs debated Theresa May's invitation to President Trump to come to the UK for a State visit.
ITV
a day
By allowing Donald Trump a state visit and bringing out the red carpet and the China, we are endorsing all of those views but I fought hard against and saying it is OK. And genuinely not as a joke. People from the Trump administration are listening.
BBC One London
2 days
Lovely lad, he loved a laugh and a joke. I took penalties against him and a mate of mine last summer and I got six out of ten. Are you going to win this game? Won 2-1 to Sutton. Until the final whistle is blowed, I will just train.